We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
