whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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