I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
