Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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