I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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