So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
