She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
