I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
