I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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