If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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