You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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