Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
