oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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