Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
