it was like his penis was on wheels.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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