Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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