its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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