I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
