just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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