I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
