New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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