the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
