mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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