she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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