So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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