Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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