Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
