So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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