its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
