I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
