At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His nipple licking is glorious
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