where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we made out on top of his cat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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