Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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