She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
