Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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