not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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