I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tornado booty call.. dedication
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
