And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
