he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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