i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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