now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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