Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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