i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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