im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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