Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
