I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
