I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
