so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
