bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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