I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
