when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
