I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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