A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
