You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
