Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
