Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
