someone get that fucking seahorse.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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