You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
