my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
