I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
