I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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