Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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