You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
