So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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