I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
