Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
