I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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