No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
