Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
