You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
