I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize