Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
