I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
