What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
