proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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