I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
