It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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