I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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