Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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