you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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