I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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