The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
